You Are the Reason Solitaire Dominated the Earth

Author: Megan Licious | |

The worst thing about having a computer in my room? Solitaire.

If the masterminds who monopolize the computer world don’t see their kingdom reaching far enough just yet, it’s only because their secret weapon hasn’t taken completely secure hold. Such an innocent card game is that secret weapon.

You have to understand, I’m a homework-lovin’ kind of gal. On most days, I have enough sense and purpose that the computer sees no other means than friendly, helpful ones. But we all have that one bad day every once in a while. On these days, the homework piles are a little higher, the brain I continually put through caffeine withdrawals as I endlessly change my mind about whether or not Dr. Pepper is really in the Word of Wisdom seems to be operating at a little lower than performance capacity, and the procrastination-feeding card game looks a little more alluring. Whoever’s idea it was to put solitaire on computers within an arm’s reach knows this. And that is when their secret weapon attacks.

The worst is on the weekends. This is because during a normal workday, any time your home computer is practically available for use is within a deadline that could be coming up in as little time as twelve hours. But on the weekend? No. Deadlines can be potentially days away. Which means more time to procrastinate.

I realized one Saturday as I was moving and removing the piles of virtual cards how much I hated the game. Half of them were literally unsolvable!, being randomly generated. This made me furious. And then I realized that, yet, there was an endless supply of games for that very same reason, so I would never stop playing.

Even though it was horrible and mindless, I couldn’t stop playing because there was always another game. And another. And if I didn’t like the game I was playing, I could play a new one. Forever. I suppose that’s how all addiction works.

It makes me forget why most days I seem to do alright. And that’s why the computer company monopolies will one day dominate the earth if we allow ourselves to become mindless zombies. It’s to be expected. All destructive secret weapons which hide shield themselves with usually good intentions.

Just say no. Knowledge is power.